She wasn’t a bad girl. She was the modest, the most innocent one. Yet she was forced to be bad, or, did she desire to be bad? She was one of those GIRLS who never liked to talk much, who was afraid to catch up with people, to make friends. But once she made friends, she’d lock them in her heart. She would lock in her heart, just, everyone who cared for her and that was where she lost because not everyone cared with a whole heart!
A girl of 18, free to do anything she wishes, but still not free. She has a sea of feelings within her, but she’s afraid she’ll spill it. She argues that she is right, but deep inside, she sees the culprit in herself, too.
The world showed her, that she was way too far from the world of beauty and fashion and socialising, then in a frustration of self-criticism, she became beautiful for the boys, the people, she socialised with people which consequently meant that she ruined herself. She lost herself. She was no more ‘herself’. Her soul fed no more on her inner voice, but on the voices of the people saying you’re beautiful, you’re sweet, or, you’re rude, you’re ugly, you’re a liar, you’re a BITCH!
She cried for days, sobbed quietly. Little did she know what she had to do and what not! She was a culprit in herself, because people broke her, and she let them! They bruised her soul when they left. She showed them a beautiful face, a mask, actually, behind which a girl was dying slowly. She was getting her ‘karma’ for not listening to hersef at times, for considering ‘others’ important than her own self and her own soul and she was punished for being ‘someone else’. A change took place, she is now no more a sensitive, good-to-ruin girl. She is strong, content and brusque. She is her own queen. She does what she wants and doesn’t stress over what people have to say. She made a stone out of her heart!
She was happier, until, the day she realised that, in doing so, she lost the ones who cared for her, who were there at bad times. She felt guilty just like a murderer. She murdered the emotions of people who loved her, just like the people did to her before. She wasn’t able to go back to being sensitive again. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t go back. She won’t think about it again, ever!
But in her heart of hearts, she knew she ruined herself just to be someone that people wished her to be. She locked away her emotions wrapped them in the darkness, in the black, and never looked back just as she could never get her ‘self’ back. Now, wherever she would go, she’d take with herself two emotional selves but never a girl that she USED TO BE!